I wear a lot of hats...

And I look bad in all of them. The adjustment to being a wife, mom, daughter, and student has been a difficult transition for me. I feel like I can't be a great student, because I have other rolls that take time away from studies, I can't be a great wife, because I am a student and a mom, and I can't be a great mom, because I am a busy nursing student. So, I am only OK at all of those things. I realize it could be worse. I could be a really crappy mom (and lets be honest here...I have my crappy mom moments, more often then I used to), or I could be failing out of school! But the type A personality that hangs out in my most secret and honest heart is noisy. And I sometimes hear it louder than Charlotte at dinnertime (Charlotte likes to yell about how she is "AH DUN!" before I even put her little plate in front of her).
What is boils down to is that I am having trouble coping with the change. I tell myself that I have adjusted my expectations, but when I get a B on a test, I am disappointed. I tell myself that I am so glad mom is home with Char, but when she accidentally calls Grammy, mama, I feel hurt. I tell myself that I am just going to have to be ok with a different level of "clean," but I get pissy on the weekend when I am wiping off layers of dust from the furniture...

Maybe the expectation I need to adjust is to be ok with not being ok. I shouldn't be happy that I get B's, but I can't dwell on it. I don't have to rejoice that the baby calls two women in the house mama, but I can let it keep me down. I don't have to like the dirt, but I have to live with it.

Well I'll keep you posted...*she says as she adjusts her many levels of shifting chapeau's.*

Hello.

Not sure anyone is out there anymore! I suck at blogging. That is a fact. Alana started first grade this September. She is in a first/second grade mixed class and she LOVES it. She is still an amazing artist. And when she reads she already uses inflection to tell the story, even voices sometimes. She is her Daddy's daughter. She is a fashionista too. We set aside her outfit for the next day every night and it is always a series of compromises that ends in her asking, "When can I just decided myself!?" To which I say, "when you understand that you can't wear a summer dress in the fall..."


Joey started preschool at Wayne State this semester. It is an all day preschool monday through friday and it is FREE! PRAISE GOD! She loves school. And we get a little extra time together in the car every day. Alana at this age was never really great at knowing the other kids names or terribly social. She used to be more into the school part than the social part (this has changed since she started first grade!) But joey knows all the kids in her class, AND the other class. She has about 15 best friends. In fact, they had to put her rest time cot next to the toads cause she would talk to anyone they put her next to at rest time. At least that way she isn't keeping anyone from resting but the amphibians.

Charlotte is still the danger baby. But starting next week she is officially a danger toddler. I can't believe how fast she went from tiny baby, to toddler. Before I know it I will be posting about how she is starting 1st grade too. Char loves baby dolls, the dogs, coloring on walls, and licking things (mostly people...) When she is tired, she likes to pinch, bite and punch...I have never pinched bitten or punched her, so I am not sure where she got it from...but oooooh boy...she is tough.

Alana told me the other day that she feels so grown up. And the the kindergartners at school are so "cute." I feel old today. :P

Charlie...super danger girl

Charlotte, my crazy danger daughter. You know, I am not used the this type of kid. Alana was so tentative about the world at this age, still is in some ways. If I told her something was dangerous, she didn't want anything to do with it. Joey was so mellow that if you put her in front of a toy she would be golden for like 15-20 min. If you put Char poo in front of a toy, she looks at it like, "can I fashion this into a shiv?" And if she thinks she can't (a thought process that take about 4.2 seconds, cause she is THAT good) she will just jimmy the gate to get into the kitchen and look at me like, "Hey, you got a knife? Cause, I would really like to make a shiv, and if I don't have a knife I don't think I can make it, in fact, I think if you just give me the knife I wouldn't even need a shiv...hey, have you got one in here under the sink? WOW... no knives in here...but these cleaning supplies look like they would be awesome for bomb making! What do you mean, 'how did I get into that?' Dude just pull on this then wiggle that and BLAMMO! You are in!! Hey, what are you doing?! Put me DOWN!!!!" Etc....

You might be thinking...Charlotte?! Darling perfect snuggly CHARLOTTE! NO, I don't believe it. Well, I have photographic evidence. On the random occasion that the situation wasn't so dangerous that I had time to grab a camera, I have...




Look to the left here...see her on the porch there...She has one shoe on, she bolted out the door when I let the dog out and is on her way to freedom.








See, no looking back either...She got mud on her toesies...










And here she is doing her I can't go over it, I can't go through it, gotta go under it trick...classic. Thank goodness the HUGE cloth diaper butt stopped her! BOO FOILED AGAIN!








Some times she is quiet for a long time...then you find her with the door shut, in her sisters room, that looks something like this...







And if you still have ANY doubt at all, I dare you to look into these eyes...I shudder to think what is going on behind them in her little baby brain.....

Playing catch up

Thought I would post some pictures of Alana's birthday. She turned 6 on the 2nd of Dec. She picked out a dress to wear to school, and she came home to a bunch of presents and a cake that her Dad bought for her. I was at school late that day, so I was home just in time to bring home dinner. Jesse and I bought a cake...I know...crap happens...it was decorated with arts stuff which made her very happy. She got...
Books More books A hello Kitty And a ton of art supplies












Charlotte and Joey had a great time watching her open presents, and helping her play with her toys...

After Alana opened her presents I asked if she wanted cake...SHE SAID NO. Can you believe that!!! She said she just HAD to start making some art first. Then later she would make time for cake. What a girl... We had a party for her with friends later the following weekend. I am sure I have so pictures of that in my camera...I will try to see if I can't find them. Oh, and I have some great pictures of that baby eating cake on her birthday...I will upload those and keep catching up over the next few days (or weeks or month or years...no promises, ok?)

Oh yeah...And this happened too...













Weird, huh?

...hello? I think I got spider webs in my hair...

It is dusty in here. And dark. Here, lemme open a window or too, lets get this place aired out, huh? Geeze, been a while huh? My friend Darla has a cool new blog, and reading it made me feel like it was time to get back on the bloggy horse. Also, Mary Schumacher told me that it was dusty in here, and I HATE dust.

Ok, so updates. Alana is in Kindergarden! She is reading like a champ. Her teacher loves her. She says that her class has a large population of high energy boys, and that Alana is such a good listener that she functions as a example for the rest of the class! Well that's what a mom likes to hear! She was Student of the month in November, and kindergarden writer of the month in January. I am very proud of her. She is grumpy in the mornings and doesn't seem to remember that she likes school when I go in to wake her up. She is wacky in the evenings, I think she spends a lot of energy on following rules and instructions at school that by the time she gets home she drops all attempts at being normal and goes BANANAS. Sometimes, it is funny...mostly it is frustrating. We have started having Mommy-Alana time for the first few moments after she comes home from school. We go to her room and read, and snuggle for a little while before I release her back into the wilds of the basement. Seems good so far.

Joey is THRIVING in preschool. She wakes up every morning asking if she can go to school today. Her teachers say she is the loudest singer, the best dresser and she has cute headbands. They describe Joey as a free spirit who gets along with everyone, but who is learning to stand up for herself so she doesn't get walked on. She is already starting to read a bit, which I think is a function of Alana playing teacher with her. We are throwing around the idea of putting her in the early childhood education center at Wayne state next year. I think she would love it, particularly if I end up going back to school next fall.

Charlotte...my darling, sweet, littlest girl has emerged from the rolly-polly snugly baby cacoon and she has transformed into a danger seeking, mess building, trouble making, walking, squealing almost toddler. This child has a radar for all things breakable or dangerous, and she wants to seek, and destroy, preferably by putting it in her mouth. She likes to crawl up the back of the couch and throw things off the breakfast bar. She Had her first Xray the other day because she got into Alana's backpack, took out a necklace that was a present for Alana's teacher and destroyed it. We found the pendant in her mouth, but not the metal piece that held the pendant to the ribbon. I was pretty sure she swallowed it. Thank GOD she didn't. But this is the kind of experience that I expect will be more and more common raising baby choo char. She is an adventurer.

As for me, I went to school this last fall, to get my Math competency so I can apply to wayne states nursing program. This winter has been tough for me. I spent most of it fighting bout after bout of tonsilitis. LAME SAUCE. I got the nasty things out last thursday and I am recovering pretty well. I am planning a HUGE garden this spring, and I can't wait to be done with the snow!! I have all sorts of plans!

Now, no promises. I am not gonna say, I will post every day! Or even once a week....but, friends, I will try harder.

Charlotte...6 months old!!

Is 6 months already! Where did my little infant go??!! She is 16 lbs, and she looks so tall! She loves the jumperoo, she makes people smile everywhere we go with her bright eyes and easy attitude. She has almost always got a grin on. She loves to babble and I think I have to just admit that her first word is Dada. She says it all the time. Though I think she thinks it is what you say to get a parent to come and look at you. She will roll around on the floor for a hours happily as long as she has something to chew on. She rolls from her tummy to her back, but will only go from her back to her side ( I think she just HATES being on her tummy still). She isn't interested in progressing in the physical stuff. Which is FINE by me. But her fine motor skills are really good, and she is strong. She loves to sit in her bumbo in the play room and watch the girls play. And she LOVES baths. She has learn how to splash, which is altogether surprising and hilarious to her. She reaches for people (even strangers). She thinks the dogs ears are fun to play with, and I think she really wants to chew them badly. I was holding her today rocking her before bed, looking at her sweet face, her hair in a little piggy tail at the top of her head, her eyes doing that slow blink and rolling up back, and I could have cried, I like her so much.

Things I never want to forget about Alana

I haven't been very good at keeping a tally of all of my kid's first. I didn't keep a date book with first step, word or tooth. So in an effort to catch up a bit...here goes.
Alana was 7 lbs 7 oz. She came out and had HUGE eyes. She was quiet and watching us, like she knew what she was seeing and she didn't want to stop looking. I remember holding her the first time and thinking, "Ah...this is what it is all about...I can do THIS!" She took her first nap on her dad's chest while I was sleeping. Alana was a pretty easy baby. I never had enough to nurse her exclusively, and it took a few weeks of her nursing 24-7 to learn that I would not be enough. She was brought into the world with the hope that my Dad would get to meet her before he passed on, and he stuck around for 8 weeks after she was born. He used to wake up and ask if she could, "do any tricks yet?" She always had these big, bright, knowing, eyes. We moved 3 times before Alana turned one. When she was born we lived in a little apartment in Gresham, then we moved to Corbet, then we bought our portland house. She was so good at riding in the car, she would just zonk out. She was a scheduled baby. She took two naps a day for a long time. She loved baths, and BOOKS right away. One of the first things she ever wanted to sleep with was a book. I don't remember when she rolled or when she got her first tooth, but I know that she was crusing at camp that summer. She was just 8 months old. She had these perfect little curls at the nape of her neck. Oh and she was REALLY in love with her bink and her White booboo. She fell in love with this one white bear that her Grandma Alice gave her before she was born. When she was old enough to talk I asked her what his name was. I called her booboo as a nickname for a time, and she decided her bear was white booboo. Her first word was Dada. I could get her to eat anything by calling it a cookie. We had cheese cookies, not cheese sandwhiches. She has always liked drawing, give that girl a crayon and paper and she will be busy for hours! She decided that she was missing a name at some point, and decided her name was Alana Fay Merz Banana. This year she convinced her teacher of that and her teacher had to ask us about it after class...already a good actor. Alana has always loved to sing and make up songs. She made up one when she was, maybe 3, it went, "when the clouds go by I realy love the clouds, the sun and the moon and the sky! When the clouds go by I REALLY love the clouds, the sun and the moon and the sky!!!!" When she gets tired she gets really silly, in fact we used to call her wacky baby at the end of the day.

Well that seems like a good start. Maybe, I will end this entry with a recent thing I don't want to forget, Alana loves to make Jewelry. She makes necklaces with buttons my mom gives her. Today My mom brought her home some lettered beads. Alana has ALWAYS been interested in letters and words. Her abilities to recognize and spell words has TOTALLY exploded lately. She made 2 necklaces today, one for me, it says Mom. And one for her sister, it says Jojo. She taught Joey how to spell JoJo too. But joey says, "My name is spelled j and j and o and o. JOSEPHINE!" Alana is a good little teacher!

I am going to post old stories as I remember them, trying to keep a record. A woman at swim class today, one of the grammy's there with her grand kid touched me on the shoulder today, and said, "THESE are the best most golden years. " I smiled and said, "I know."