Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I figured it out...
I don't know what most peoples intentions are when they start a blog. I don't really know why I started one in the first place. But it struck me today that I NEED to keep a better history of life today. Because I will want to look back on it with a mix of longing and thankfulness tomorrow. So that is what my blog has got to be about. From here on out, I will keep a log of the little things my children do that make me laugh or pull my hair. How they are growing, how they impress and inspire me, even when they make mistakes. It is my new years resolution to find more patients for my kiddos, and in trying to do that, I have found moments of peace in the midst of frustration. All my kids have given me those moments today.
Alana- today she sat at the table, playing one of my least favorite games, the "I haven't tried it yet, but I don't like it game." We had chicken with peanut sauce. I even put honey on it cause she thought it would help. She ended up in time out. I get so FRUSTRATED with the eating situation (future me is laughing, but current me is scowling). When she finally tasted the chicken, she was humble enough to admit that she did like it. And she ate it all. AND once she had eaten she was pure joy. She made a measuring tape on her drawing tablet and she measured all our hands. Then Grammy marked down everyone's names where she had measured them. It is one of those little pieces of paper treasure that I know I HAVE to hold on to, so I can draw my finger down the page when all those hands are grown.
Joey, who I think lives in a world where art happens everywhere, drew on the bedding in the play room. Green and red all over the down comforter and a beautiful quilt. Non water soluble ink too... Grrrr. When Jesse and Alana discovered it, Jesse was very disapointed. Which made Joey cry...A LOT. Poor Girl. I know that feeling. I am still pissed at myself for having Katie Dunn write that note for me for gym class in 6th grade. When my mom found out and told me she was dissapointed in me, I was so upset with myself, I couldn't eat dinner that night! I came in to check out the damage and that just made it worse for her. I sat down next to her, and pulled her close. Jesse asked to her appologize, and it took a while, but she did. I thought she would fight me when I reached to her to pick her up and hold her, but she gave right in, and her head against my shoulder was so big tonight. I forget that she is still a toddler really. I think of her as being so close to Alana's age. She is so independent and capable, I just forget that she is still a baby in some ways.
Then Charlotte. She had the most lovely long hours of alertness tonight. She sleeps a lot durring the day, just 11 and a half weeks old, that is pretty normal. But in the evenings she is awake for a LONG time. And today she was all smiles, and she was monkeying my noding yes and shaking my head no, I was laughing so hard. Then she sat on my lap and made baby noises till she got sad. I think her tummy hurts tonight. Sometimes she has these almost hard poo's and they make her REAL cranky. She was all tears, clean diaper, swaddle and everything, none of my normal tricks were working. I was on the verge of a bout of really crankiness myself when I proped her up straight against my shoulder and she stopped. I was rocking back and forth from foot to foot and she was wide eyed, but quiet. And I told myself, just enjoy it. That is something I tell myself a lot. I forget. I get caught up in how something sucks and I forget how really lovely those moments can be. Seeing a trend? Midnight feedings, soothing a sad baby, all these moments can be really calming moments. Historic moments. Moments that won't last. So I savored it. I rocked her and patted her, felt her baby duck fuzz hair against my chin, smelled her baby sweat, and kissed her cool little forhead until she fell asleep.
I heard someone say that a mothers job is to try to put herself out of a job. So I think I will try to enjoy myself while I have it...